It's a themed disco party, bohemians. L. And A. are there, looking beautiful and indifferent. Observing. I go up to them, try a conversation, try to charm. It doesn't work. I point out my headband and say 'don't you think this is the detail that makes the bohemian look come alive?' A. looks halfway between scornful and embarrassed. L. is nicer but she still puts on that American movie voice of a cool person who is humouring an idiot. "Um, well, I guess." I feel mortified, like I should not be there with them, that I've outstayed my welcome. Before L. can try anything else or to avoid a humiliating silence, I tell them, "You seem very bothered. Just relax; we don't have to speak." and at that I simply walk away and don't look back. But wow am I filled with such defeat and self-disgust.
